The Tale of Envy's Hair
by Torii-Butterfly
Summary: What do you do when Wrath's high on chocolate, and none of the Homunculi apart from Envy are anywhere to be seen...or transmuted? Find out here.


The Tale of Envy's Hair 

_Another happy day in the land of Homunculi-dom._

**Disclaimer **– Sadly, I am not proprietor of FMA, as wonderful it would be…_has plans to steal FMA, thus owning it, and bringing Kimblee back…then pairing him off with her character,…before realising that her character is Kimblee's illicit daughter and shuddering. Very much._

**A/N – **Please be kind…this is my very first FMA comedy fic – in fact…the first fic I've actually written in this manner…ever. So yeah…it probably sucks. Or my sense of humour just sucks, Anyways…enjoy.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" The deafening yell echoed throughout the halls as Wrath, grinning and laughing madly, sped through the halls. It was safe to assume that he had somehow obtained sugar. It was also safe to assume that he had successfully managed to piss Envy off.

Okay, so let's backtrack a little.

At first, all was as normal as it could ever be in the Homunculi's…umm…household. However…it seemed to all start with just a little boredom on Wrath's part, and just a little laziness on Sloth's part. Okay, so maybe 'a little' was an understatement. Wrath, who had successfully managed to crush a great many of Dante's valuables, had resorted to his all time favourite pastime – jumping madly on a random bed within the house, and occasionally yelling for chocolate at the top of his lungs. Sloth, having gone to be early the previous night, was engaging of one of her favourite pastimes, too – sleeping. And, needless to say, Envy was already pissed off, thus why Wrath's eating of that chocolate bar could have been the last thing he ever did. Well…not really. Considering the Homunculi are immortal and all.

There…now, back to the story.

So, we have Wrath, high on boredom and battering a bed. Sloth, exhausted for some strange, inexplicable reason. And Envy, already pissed off, and scarcely needing to be transmuted multiple times. The 'young' boy was, at present, completely ignoring the angered diatribe being thrown in his direction.

"CHOCOLATE!" He screamed, perhaps in the hope of waking his 'mother'…with no avail whatsoever. As the loudest scream he could muster had just cone completely unattended, the Homunculus boy finally realised something – it was time for action to be taken. For the first time since the beginning of his boredom, Wrath jumped down from the bed, his aim being the kitchen – exactly what he hoped to find there, considering Gluttony lived in the house as well, was un-apparent, however, it seemed that Wrath knew what he was looking for much better than the deranged author of this story. So, whilst Wrath was rummaging in the cupboards, we find Envy, growing more and more pissed off with every clatter.

Surprisingly, Envy didn't always look…well, so much like a palm tree in a skort and crop-top. You'd probably think that he looked an awful lot like a younger Hoenheim…but of course, nobody really knows what Hoenheim exactly looks like, meaning that you wouldn't know what Envy used to look like either. But he did. He looked exactly like a younger Hoenheim, back when he and Trisha conceived Ed and Al – but those particulars don't belong here. They belong in biology books and lemons.

So maybe I should have called this 'The Tale of Envy's Hair Amongst Other Things'.

Okay, so now we have Wrath stuck halfway in a cupboard and lucky that Gluttony over-ate (is that even possible? I mean he's like…Gluttony!), otherwise he would have faced a similar fate to that tray of cookies, large pan of pasta, several large bars of chocolate, innumerable bags of Haribo, twenty fields' worth of wheat in bread, seven meals each meal time (meaning that the other Homunculi went without) and countless other household items…such as bleach. We also have Envy pounding his fists against the wall of a random room in the house, in an attempt to vent his anger. And Sloth, inevitably still sleeping. The other Homunculi were apparently busy with other…ahem, 'things', Gluttony lamenting over his (amazingly) full gut, Pride somewhere murdering apple trees with his rapier, and both Lust and Greed nowhere to be found. Apparently. More like nowhere to be found in any one of the rooms that wasn't a bedroom – but that's beyond the point. Away from the stuff of lemons, and back to…Wrath.

Because when I get into lemons, they often end up long-winded and full of—I'm shutting up, now.

Finally, at the very back of a cupboard that Gluttony would never be able to reach, no matter how many slimming tablets he consumed, there was a small, lonely bar of Cadbury's chocolate, adorned in a heavenly purple shade…or to Wrath's eyes, at least. And so, noting that there was nobody around to see his ADHD triggered, Wrath grasped the chocolate, sitting back on the tiles and shoving it into his mouth immediately.

And so, the fun begins…

At once, a feeling overcame Wrath that compelled him to be very evil indeed. Well, not really evil…just torture as many of the house's inhabitants as he possibly could, really. He knew Sloth was sleeping, and besides, it went against the Code of Wrath to be evil to mummy. Gluttony…well, he faced a good chance of being eaten if he even so much as poked Gluttony, in spite of the Homunculus' small indigestion problem. He also realised that eh faced being stabbed if he annoyed Pride. At first his mind jumped to Lust, and perhaps doing something very nasty to her make-up, however, it struck him that he had not seen any sight of Greed either, and he shuddered to think of how badly his virgin eyes would be scarred if he walked in on what Sloth always told him was 'something that he would learn about soon'. So…there was only one candidate left. Maybe it wasn't the wisest of ideas to attempt to do very evil things to Envy – he had a very short temper – however, Wrath knew that he could use that little transformation technique to his advantage…alongside a little Alchemy, of course.

The Homunculus would never know what hit him. Or maybe he would. It depended on how stealthy Wrath's approach was.

The 'young' Homunculus chuckled to himself as he approached the room, still hearing loud 'bangs' against the walls. Had he not been high on chocolate, Wrath might of reconsidered. But he was high. So he didn't reconsider. Instead, grinning like the sugar-high maniac he was at said time, the Homunculus boy ran headfirst towards Envy's room, only to collide with the door, and starling a frustrated Envy.

And on the other side of the door…

This sound, of course, startled Envy. For a short while, maybe a matter of seconds at best, he refrained from punching the wall, only top have realised he should have started punching at the door…but as luck would have it, Envy once more occupied himself with the wall. And as he did this, he didn't notice a completely unharmed Wrath walk in, sporting a large bruise one his head…and a bloody nose, though not owing to the door…perhaps the posters littered around Envy's room gave a better explanation for such a condition.

"Whatcha doing?" The Homunculus boy questioned, drawing Envy's attention away from his now crumpled wall. Innocent as his expression may have seemed, Envy knew better than to trust it – perhaps due to the unnatural dilation of his pupils. Or the fact that his expression was horribly see-through – either worked for Envy…either worked in the way, that was, that did not end up getting Envy transmuted horribly…he shuddered whenever he thought back to that time when the Homunculi had been short on light bulbs. Even if Gluttony had eaten them all.

And so, after several minutes of torturous Wrath Advancing on Envy…

"How about a palm tree?" The Homunculus boy grinned evilly, waving his – and Ed's – hands, as he prepared to transmute. Envy, however, had a different approach, as oppose to running – noting the small dribble of blood coming from Wrath's nose. Before the Homunculus boy knew what hit him (quite literally), he was opposed with a life-sized, in the flesh (or almost, at least) version of the poster he had been staring at…and his nose was bleeding worse than ever. Though that was probably because 'Envy' had just slammed his fist into it.

"OKAY THEN! PALM TREE!" The frustrated boy yelled out in both pain and…well…frustration, clapping his hands together. His hands appeared to be extremely well placed as he slammed them down on the opposing Homunculi's chest – not an inch higher or lower than the cleavage of the 'woman'. However, what he didn't realise was Envy's last bid to free himself had been to transform once again – the result, thereafter, was both hilarious (for Wrath), and disturbing. So very disturbing. Okay, well, just a little disturbing.

"PALM TREE!" Wrath screamed, in a mixture of laughter, excitement, and pain from his nose…and the fact that the enraged Envy had just aimed a punch at a very, very, very painful area indeed. Howling in said mixture of sensations, Wrath rolled backwards onto the floor, enabling Envy to take a long, hard stare into his mirror…all the better to see what he hoped was he former beauty…he could not have been more wrong…

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!" The deafening yell echoed throughout the halls as Wrath, grinning and laughing madly, sped through the halls. It was safe to assume that he had somehow obtained sugar. It was also safe to assume that he had successfully managed to piss Envy off.

Okay, so lets backtrack a little…

Fin.


End file.
